we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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