My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
