I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
