I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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