i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
