Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize