I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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