I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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