nut hugger
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
