So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
God, I missed his penis.
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