can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
