would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
