Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
