New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
