One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
