she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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