I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
