He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
