Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
what the fuck happened to the tacos
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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