Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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