Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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