it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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