i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
