We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
