He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
