Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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