Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
