Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
