A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
