Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize