The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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