I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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