Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
