I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
