when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
