I want to have your abortion
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
