i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
