Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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