No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
