Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
my poor anus
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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