Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am naked and annoyed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
