I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
