the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
