this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
