They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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