I am in a vortex of obligation.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
