Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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