im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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