I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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