Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
