She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
