How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize