he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
