you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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