the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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