You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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