i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
