I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
