i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this will be a night to untag.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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