i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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