the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
