do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
