Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This is the high leading the old right now
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
