I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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