And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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