And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
