whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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