Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
