I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Randomize
