I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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