it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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