five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
