:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
