And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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