What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
