I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
