All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
