"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
