i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
