I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
