On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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