but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
