honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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