I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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