Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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