Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
