I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
