The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
