I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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