Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
