He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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