so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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