i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
