He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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