she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
