You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
