9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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