He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
