i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
