Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
