My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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