I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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